I do, or do I?? the single 30 something dilemma

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How likely is it that when one says they just want time to be with themselves and nurture that and not get into a relationship, ever just about that? And it’s not the fact that we might just be trying to find a way to cope with being on our own and maximise the time constructively. Not that if “prince charming” (the dream guy) cropped up and had everything in your list, you would turn them down based on “I’m still attending me” line.

Or maybe just the fear of repeating history you don’t wanna relive is hindering you to be open to the idea that having hope and putting yourself out there is not so bad either.


This is my observation.

The older the potential bride, the less reluctant and likely they are to get married.

The thing is, at age 30 and above you have set goals for yourself. You know exactly what you want and most times it becomes impossible to neither change nor adjust those to accommodate someone else’s.

Marriage by nature was made such that the man practically figures himself out and the woman fits into that configuration that has been designed and set by the man.

When you as a woman, a fully grown woman who has managed to figure things out for yourself without a man, have to now squeeze into the man’s configuration, it gets challenging and most times leaves you with a hundred ex’s.

A woman that marries young figures herself out within the marriage and plans her life around the configuration. Their set values and principles are moulded around and by the commitment they have made to each other.

So what happens to the older potential bride?

Do you give up your own dreams and plans and values for the sake of having someone and reconfigure yourself into the man’s plan?

Or do you stick to your own and spend the rest of your life in the dating scene, trying to find the one guy who is willing to take you as you are with all that you have and hope for, and make it work?

Or, do you build yourself a mansion, fill it up with all things beautiful God and man made, fulfil your wildest dreams and desires and live your life happily single ever after?

Or, do you become a nun and forget about ever touching a human being other than their hand?


I would love to hear some views on this one.

Penny for your thoughts?

2 thoughts on “I do, or do I?? the single 30 something dilemma

  1. I like her/his explanation about marriage being, by nature, a design made such that the man practically figures himself out and the woman fits into that configuration that has been designed and
    set by the man. I think this sums up what marriage is all about.

    I think therefore the best way for those single 30 something women (based on the definition above) is to find a man that has a similar configuration with yours. It does not have to be the same but at least you must have similarities in order to make the marriage work. I’d assume at 30 you must be marrying a man who has also found his calling or knows what he wants, so you have to find a man who has interests that are similar to yours.

    I don’t think women should give up their own dreams, plans and values but they should find men who have same dreams, values and plans. I personally would not sacrifice my dreams because when things go wrong I would not want to blame my partner or make him live with the guilt for the rest of his life. I also do not believe that anyone was meant to be alone, it is just personal choices that we make as human beings maybe because we think there are no right partners out there or we are comfortable being on our own.


  2. My thoughts

    Well, at 30 I know for sure no one wants to be alone. If one is alone it is not by choice, its either they feel that their age still allows them to wait for the “prince charming” who may come or never come and only to realize that they will be taking whatever frog comes their way….who is still under the configuration to find themselves.

    Once you hit 30 and over, you realize you are not young anymore and no turning back……take a pick and make it work or be single for a very long time.


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